#283. Do the 30 Day Song Challenge - Day 4

Day 4 - A Song That Makes You Sad

I just listened to this song again (and I'm writing to it now) and thought it would probably be an angry kind of sad, but it turns out it's just a really sad kind of sad.

Matthew Good Band - Suburbia

This song is best in the dark, with the lights out in a room with a window, or coming through headphones out in the middle of nowhere surrounded by trees.

Something about the instrumentation gets me deep, and so does the matter of fact delivery of wrath, sadness, and pain.

But what really gets me are these lyrics

someday this place is gonna burn
is your whole life in there waiting?
someday your head is going to turn
and you'll realize i'm missing

do you realize?

I think about the ranch.

I think about disappearing, and how I did. Straight out of suburbia.

I think about the people making that decision to send me away.

I lose myself again.

And watch the world from a distance.

If I disappeared today, who would know I'm missing?

And would you realize how much you missed me?

#283. Do the 30 Day Song Challenge - Day 3

Day 3 - A Song That Makes You Happy

It's been awhile since I've heard it, but...

Europe - The Final Countdown

I mean - it has its own dance.

Bunker Flashback!

Flash Fact - There are a LOT of photos of me and John Barkmeyer dancing to this or Journey on Facebook.

But less than there should be.

Flash Fact.

#275. Hook Up To Mother Mother's 'Body of Years'

This is now something that has happened.

Last night was pretty intense. And the next few days/weeks/months will be interesting.

I hope in a really good way.

I want that very much.

So much.

It's all process.

You gotta see the artistry in tearing the place apart with me, baby.

Either way, Mother Mother is a great band to hook up to.

- Wrecking Ball

- Body of Years

- Calm Me Down

Use your body - use it to put me to sleep.

Your body, oh - soothe my soul.

So beautiful.

#283. Do the 30 Day Song Challenge - Day 2

Day 2 - Your Least Favorite Song

Uncle Kracker - Follow Me

True story - I have literally walked out of places to avoid this song. On more than one occasion.

I hate his name. I hate his voice.

I hate this song.

#280. Reconcile With An Old Friend You Are No Longer Friends With

This is not the venue to get into the longer story (so I have actually learned something since the days of livejournal, apparently) but in brief - at one point Nevie Brooks and I were pretty close friends.

For the last year and a half we were decidedly not.

After coffee today (during which no coffee was actually drunk) I'm not sure I would say we're friends again, but that the possibility will be left to the future, rather than decided by the past.

And that we had a surprisingly nice chat that reminded me why we were friends in the first place.

I'm going to call that one in the win column.

Times Past

#283. Do the 30 Day Song Challenge - Day 1

Day 1 - Your Favorite Song

This one is easy. My favorite song of all time is without a doubt -

Matthew Good - The Fine Art of Falling Apart

I love this song.

The most hauntingly beautiful song I've ever heard. Recorded live in one take with an acoustic guitar. The combination of these lyrics and the tragedy and expressiveness of his voice is the most powerful and beautiful statement of sadness, loss, isolation, and acceptance that I've ever experienced.

"I used to think I'd get over everything

but everything just got over me."

My favorite lyric of all time.

This is a song that makes me happy and makes me sad. It gives me imagery and inspires projects and art, but also causes me to slow down and listen to every word and every note. I find so much meaning in every ache, every word, every chord.

One of my most treasured memories is seeing this song performed live, directly for me after a request at the XM Studios.

Ignore the bad sound quality of the video in the link, the recording is much cleaner.

Just sit back, turn the lights off, and listen.

This song is a piece of my soul, recorded by someone else.

I walk alone and I
I ride alone and I
I rock myself to sleep
Baby, there ain't enough room in this world
For people like you
And horrors like me

A time of darkness
There lived a girl in a cave in the woods
Disguised as a bee
At night she would fly into the city
Sting the cause
And sting the cost
And she would hover over me
Whispering
We're surfacing
We're surfacing

Well I stand alone and I
I fight alone and I
Stay clean by feeling cheap
And baby, there ain't enough room in this world
For perfections like you
And monsters like me

A time of darkness
You will look absurd and you will feel inert
And you'll go looking to blame somebody
You see I used to think I'd get over everything
But everything just got
over me

I'm some of it
You're some of it
We're some of it
I'm certain of it

I walk alone and I
I ride alone and you know
That's all right by me
See baby there ain't enough room in this world
For a great, great many things.

#204. Keep a Food Log Every Day for Six Months - Week 1

A few years ago I started keeping a food log for the first time, in order to become more consciously aware of exactly what I was putting into my body. I recorded everything I ate and when. At the time I also recorded when I woke up and how long I exercised. This went along with a concerted effort to make some dietary changes and to try and exercise every day.

I think I lasted a couple months and lost some weight.

Then Halloween and the holidays happened and I was off the rails.

More recently (six months ago?) I was having weird headaches and dizzy spells, plus a weird sensation in my right foot and eye. I went to the doctor, and I was on the brink of diabetes. Like, if there was a cliff, I was staring out over the ledge.

I made a huge dietary change and lost twenty pounds in a month.

Then I was like "yay, I did it!" and promptly fell off the rails.

So here I am again hoping this time to stay the course.

Because I am fat, and I hate it.

So much.

I can go into how it happened and why but the point is I have an unhealthy relationship with food and a need for instant gratification and that's gotta stop cause I need to lose weight. For my health, my body image, and myself.

So I can look in the mirror, or at a photo, and not be angry.

So this is step one. Six months of a food log, with what will hopefully be continued and consistent gradual dietary changes and exercise as well.

Along with public accountability.

So below - this is now 'base level.' We're looking for better decisions next week.

WEEK 1

SUNDAY 7/31

9-45 AM

Nutri-Grain Bar

12-45pm

Turkey Sandwich - Turkey Breast, Swiss Cheese, Lettuce, Onion, Cranberry Sauce, Mayonaise, Pumpernickle Bread

Bottled Water

6pm

Ribs w/ Dry Rub & BBQ Sauce

Pulled Pork w/ BBQ Sauce

One Sausage Link

Baked Beans

Cole Slaw

Two handfuls of french bread w/ butter

MONDAY 8/1

1pm

4 pieces of tandoori chicken

Basmati Rice

Curry w/ Peas and Cheese

Bottled Water

4-15pm

Parmesan/Garlic/Herb Pita Chips

Cheddar Cheese Spread

9pm

Cheeseburger - 1/2 lb Beef Patty, BBQ Sauce, Bleu Cheese, Bun

Potato Chips w/ Dill Sauce

Pineapple Juice/Rum/Sprite

TUESDAY 8/2

12-15pm

Turkey Burger -Ground Turkey Pattie, Mayonaise, Bun

3pm

Handful of pretzels with vegetable dip

6-15pm

1lb Cheeseburger - 1lb Beef pattie, swiss cheese, A1 Sauce, Chipotle Mayo, Roasted Red Peppers, Sauteed Onions, Two Olives, Bun

Water

WEDNESDAY 8/3

12-15pm

1 Regular Sausage Link

1 Jalapeno and Cheese Sausage Link

1 Cupcake

2-30pm

100% Pomegranate/Acai Naked Juice

7-30pm

Sundried Tomato Hummus

Grilled Pita

Watermelon Margarita

8-45pm

Chicken Kabob w/ Roasted Red Pepper Sauce

Grilled Vegetables

Yellow Rice

2 glasses of White Wine Sangria

THURSDAY 8/4

10-15am

Salted Roasted Cashews

12-30pm

Grilled Chicken Wrap - Grilled Chicken Breast, Pineapple Salsa, Light Mayo, Lettuce, Onion, Provolone Cheese, Hot Peppers, Tomato Tortilla

Two Pickle Spears

6-30pm

Grilled Chicken Sandwich - Grilled Chicken Breast, Roasted Red Peppers, ranch, Bun

Potato Chips with Dill Sauce

Rum/Pineapple Juice/Sprite

FRIDAY 8/5

12-30pm

One Jamaican Beef Patty

Spicy Chicken Wrap - Spicy Pulled Chicken, Pesto, Goat Cheese, Arugala, Banana Peppers, Sour Cream, Tortilla

Bottled Water

4pm

"1 Orange Izze Sparkling Juice

"

7-30pm

Deviled Eggs Au Poivre with Beef Sashimi

Cheese Plate - 5 Assorted Cheeses with Crostinis and jam

April Showers - domaine de canton, pomegranate grenadine, Orange Juice, champagne

8-30pm

2 Tacos de la Calle - steak, onions, cilantro, charred salsa, cotija, lime, tortilla

Absinthe

2 Unknown Cocktails

11-30pm

Watermelon Limeade Cocktail

SATURDAY 8/6

12-30pm

Roast Beef Sandwich - Roast Beef, Lettuce, Tomato, Pepper Jack, Mango Chutney, Rye Bread

2-20pm

2 small packs of Welch's fruit snacks

7pm

Chili Mac - Chili, Spaghetti, Cheddar Cheese, Sour Cream

1 piece of Cornbread w/ butter

Ice Water