In college I used to play a game with friends where we would try and guess who from our department would actually do theater out in the real world, and who would move on to something else. Who did we think had the talent, temperament, and tenacity to make it as a professional actor or director or designer. Who seemed to really want it, and to have the tools to get it. Who would stay on their path, who would move backstage or into education, who was committed, and who was just there. It was part critique, part psycho-analysis, part gossip. It was arrogant. But as a time waster it was fun to imagine to what heights our crew could be capable of. I enjoy and take great pride in watching my friends succeed, even if recently I've felt marred by a tinge of professional jealousy that I am hoping to excise. And while there are a lot of people who have moved on to new passions and endeavors since graduation, a surprisingly large number of my classmates have stayed in the field - creating a strong Maryland Mafia in the DC theater community that has birthed several companies and a deep sense that we all really have each others back. Cause we do.
My preoccupation is with what other people think about me. So one day I asked my friend Amanda if she thought I would stay with it. She paused for a second and said, "Yeah. I can't see you doing anything else."
I started doing theater when I was 12 years old (if you don't count my onstage debut as God in the 3rd grade play, where I shouted "Al Har Sinai! Al Har Sinai!" but my glove was twisted and pointed to the wrong mountain) as the Arbiter in a production of Chess, which is such a weird and quirky first show to be in. I'm 27 now and theater is the dominating and driving passion of my life. It's my art, my career, my predominant play time, most of my social circle. It's most of my life, honestly. And at 15 years into this craft and business I've now been pursuing it over half my life too.
On the one hand, I love it. Deeply and passionately. And on the other hand, it's a very hard life. Not hard like going off to war, but a difficult existence within the societal framework we all actually need to live in. It's a life I'm surprisingly well wired for, but that society isn't. So I start to feel very one note and unaccomplished, lacking in certain life experiences - the cost of so much time and energy put into one place that is actually so many places with necessary nooks and crannies and that sucks way more energy than you'd ever expect from the outside. Especially since starting Flying V, I've lost my role as the primary social organizer for my friends that I used to be. That energy has gone to the maintenance of the company. Maybe not surprisingly, I also looked up one day and realized I don't have a core group of friends anymore. I have a lot of friends, but we're not really a group. Not the way it was in high school. Not the way it was in college. Things have splintered a bit into more component parts. Because I used to give maintenance to that, and now I don't. I miss it, having that group, and while my company offers many things, it doesn't filll that need. It's been a trade.
I've said that in the past few years I haven't made memories so much as I've created a resume. I wanted to see where this time has actually been spent. So here is a comprehensive list, to the best of my memory, of every show I've been creatively involved with over the last 15 years. It comes out to an average of just under 5 shows a year since I was 12. I don't know if this is impressive or unimpressive. I'm not looking for achievement or validation. I'm not even looking for deep meaning right now.
I just wanted to see for myself a record of where all my time and energy has been invested. What is my body of work in my chosen field as of the almost end of 2012? What have I actually done with this desire?
This list.
- Chess (The Arbiter) - STAY
- Grease (Roger) - STAY
- Into The Woods Jr. (The Baker) - JCCGW
- Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat (Pharoah) - STAY
- Barnum (Barnum) - STAY
- Our Town (The Stage Manager) - JDS
- Brigadoon (Tommy) - JDS
- You Can't Take It With You (Paul) - JDS
- Fur Better or Worse (Director) - JDS
- Grease (Danny) - Wootton
- A Cinderella Waltz (Assistant Director) - Wootton
- God Doesn't Live Here Anymore* (Hiro) - UMD Off Center
- [they fight] (Robber) - UMD Off Center
- Mother Hicks (Jake) - UMD Off Center
- The Real Inspector Hound (Magnus) - UMD Off Center
- Betty's Summer Vacation (Buck) - Weekday Players
- The Crucible (Giles Corey) - UMD
- God of Vengeance (Director) - WDP
- 2006 UMD 24 Hour Play Festival (Director) - UMD
- 2007 UMD 24 Hour Play Festival (Director) - UMD
- Machinal (Husband) - UMD
- Closer (Director) - WDP
- Not Enough Lifetimes* (Ian) - UMD / August Wilson Festival
- The Physicists (Einstein) - UMD
- Picasso at the Lapin Agile (Director) - UMD
- The Price of Perfection (Nerd/Doctor/Darwin) - eXtreme eXchange
- Keepers of Shoppe* (Ronald) - UMD Off Center
- The Gingerbread House* (Stage Directions) - NNPN New Play Festival
- Filthy Rich (Henry "The Pig" Duvall) - UMD
- Marisol (Homeless Man) - UMD
- The Inescapable Us (Producer / Writer) - WDP
- 2008 Source Festival 24 Hour Play Festival (Actor) - Source Festival
- Nixon's Nixon (Assistant Director) - Round House
- This Digital Life (Adam) - Truffle Pigs / Capital Fringe
- The Naked Party (Writer/Director) - The HeartBreak Kids / Capital Fringe
- Please Listen: A Musical Chaos (Dramaturg)
- Macbeth (Assistant to the Assistant Director) - The Folger
- If You Give A Mouse A Cookie (Assistant Director) - Adventure Theatre
- Proof (Hal) - Rockville Little Theatre
- The True History of Coca Cola in Mexico (Assistant Director) - GALA
- The Seagull on 16th Street (Assistant Director) - Theater J
- If You Give A Pig a Pancake (Assistant Director) - Adventure Theatre
- Gary Newman to the Max (Writer) - Woolly Mammoth / Bethesda Play in a Day
- Foolish Fire* (Chris) - Active Cultures
- Another Fall For The Fallen* (Professor) - Playwright's Forum
- 3 Scenes From The Life Of A Writer* (Director) - Playwright's Forum
- Hermeneutic Circle Jerk* (Director) - Venus
- Featuring Loretta (Director) - 1st Stage
- Opening Day (Director) - Active Cultures
- The Hunchback Variations (Director) - 1st Stage
- Freud Meets Girl (Roger / Associate Director) - Wayward Theatre
- The Odd Couple (Assistant Director) - Theater J
- The Promise* (Director) - Theater J
- Return to Haifa (Assistant Director) - Theater J
- If You Give A Cat A Cupcake (Assistant Director) - Adventure Theatre
- Twas The Night Before Christmas (Assistant Director) - Adventure Theatre
- Amenities (Director) - Source Festival
- Become What You Are (Director / Producer) - Flying V
- Monkey See, Monkey Do (Director) - Flying V / Bethesda Play in a Day
- Science Fiction Double Feature (Producer) - Flying V
- An Ordinary Afternoon* (Director) - Doorway Arts Ensemble
- Spacebar: A Broadway Play By Kyle Sugarman (Director) - Source Festival
- Incurable (Producer) - Flying V / Wayward Theatre
- Tough! (Director) - Flying V
- Toobin' (Director) - Flying V / Bethesda Play in a Day
- The Stolen Diamond (Director) - Rorschach
- Iron City (Director) - Forum Theatre
- The Pirate Laureate of Port Town* (Director) - American Ensemble Theatre
- Me and the Devil Blues (Director) - Flying V
- Elizabeth at the Tea Party (Director) - Flying V / Manhattan Repertory Theatre
- Staring at the Sun (Director) - Flying V
71 shows so far, as a Director, Actor, Producer, or Dramaturg in varying degrees.
I hope that I'm better at what I do now than when I started, that my colleagues have enjoyed working with me and respect me as I do them, that audiences have left performances I've helped create wanting to live life more fully or maybe once inject that play into their veins, that I always stay a student of my craft, that my name is some kind of assurance of process or product and not in a negative way, that the quality of what I do is more important than the quantity, and that I am better at what I do the next show than the last.
And that I find better a balance in my life as I pursue a mastery of my craft.
I wonder if I can do something else, in addition, not instead, and feel more full.
And I wonder if I can't.
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